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Posts Tagged ‘Quitting Smoking’

Well, I had a really bad weekend, smoking wise. I went out with my mother all day Saturday, and smoked all day with her pretty much. Which sucks. blah. Then, on Sunday we had CraftyGirl & SuperDM over for some Dungeons & Dragons, and we decided J should buy a pack, because otherwise we would just be bumming off of SuperDM all day.

We also found out on Saturday that one of guys J works with got fired, meaning J will be working 6! days a week, 60+ hours. Then we found out on Monday that the two guys that are J’s bosses bosses will be moving their offices to J’s store this week. This is a Very Bad Thing in my book, because it just causes more stress for an already over-stressed store. They are down to four employees totall, two managers and two grunts.

So on Monday, J bought another pack on the way home. We made it last until last night. And now I feel like I’m back at square one. *sigh*

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Wow…today has gone pretty good. Dinner tasted great, and I’m sure most of that is because of my awesome cooking skills and my amazing modesty, but now I’m wondering if it wasn’t also because we haven’t smoked anything since Tuesday. No cheating, and I didn’t really think about it. There was a moment, when J and I were in the baby’s room, changing him.

Me: I really want a cigarette. (saying this while wiping baby’s butt :p)

J: Yeah, me too. (I found this immediate agreement weird for some reason)

Me: Really?

J: yes….Why? (he gives me a sort of searching look)

Me: What?

J: Do you…

Me: No, I don’t have any. I haven’t cheated since we cheated together. (lol)

J: No, I didn’t say you cheated, but I was expecting you to pull out a pack, like an emergency reserve or something.

Me: No way! If I had that stashed away, it’d be gone by now anyway!

My husband doesn’t trust me, and I mean that in a nice way. I always am the one to break down, he’s the good one. But so far, haven’t bought a pack in over a week, and feeling okay. I’ve heard that you continue to have cravings for pretty much the rest of your life, they just get less and less frequent. Maybe I’ll start smoking again when I’m like, 90, since it won’t matter then.

(picture says: Tastes 31% sweeter)

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Well, I went the whole day without a cigarette, and I wasn’t super bitchy or anything. There were even times when I didn’t even think about smoking, or remember that I was quitting. I think I’m going to make it. Of course, as I’m sitting here typing, it’s making me have a craving, but I’m cool, I can handle it.

I’m proud of us, that we’ve finally managed to do this. I’ve been smoking mostly continuously since I was 16, and J started smoking when he started dating me, so about two years for him. Now that we’ve decided to try to conceive another baby, I’ve really been trying to get us all healthy and in good shape. Smoking while doing all that, seemed extremely hypocritical and wrong, but it was so hard to stop.

I’m not out of the woods yet. If someone bought me a pack right now, I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from smoking it. But as long as I’m tough with myself, and don’t break down and buy anymore, I think we’ll make it.

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I cheated again today, but it was only one! One, I tell you! And it wasn’t my idea, but J’s. We went over to my mother’s to move the super enormous weighs-a-ton upright freezer from her house to our house, because we are consolidating all of our copious amounts of junk and stuff for the move next month. And after hauling and pushing that monstrosity up into the truck bed, J said, I need a cigarette. And my mom is always so willing to oblige. So we each had one, on her back porch.

(this is why I try not to tell her when I am “quitting” because she’s never managed it, so why should I?)

I’m trying, really trying. But it is still very hard. I need to quit cheating, it only makes it worse. I can do it! grrr!

(the picture says: Every puff you take damages your body)

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I cheated today. I wasn’t planning on it, and now I wish I hadn’t done it, but there, it’s true. My mom brought me milk, and while she was here, I bummed one from her.

Now I’m having a terrible nicotine fit, like my neck is stiff from clenching my teeth, because I want a cigarette so bad. I should have just stuck to my guns. Stupid grr..! Argh!

I know I’m doing it, that I’m going to be successful, but I don’t want to be right now. I just want to break down and buy a pack. Or even half a pack, if they sold those. Ah, if they would only invent a cigarette that’s cheap and good for you, I’d be set.

(it says: no smoking in your car)

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Another completely smoke free day. I hear it’s supposed to get better after the third day, but I think I’m doing okay right now. I haven’t killed anyone. Today was rough, but I don’t think it was just the nic-fits. Mother’s day really sucked, as I said, and that just makes me want to smoke even more.

Arghh!! I want one so bad right now!

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Went the whole day without a cigarette. It sucked a lot, because I had to hang out with J’s family all day, both sides. And at his aunt’s, on his mom’s side, they were all hanging out by the pool, smoking.

Just smelling it, I wanted to just walk up to one of them and ask for one, and damn the reactions.

(it reads, please do not smoke while walking)

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